UNHEALTHY FOODS – BAD FOR YOU?

Recent study into the effects of the consumption of unhealthy food on people has shown that fatty and sugary foods may not be very good for you after all.

People in general eat a lot of unhealthy food with the desired effect being loss of weight, a healthy glow, and the ability to fly. But scientist who are clever and wear white lab coats and glasses have said that eating fatty foods such as burgers and meat cars can actually cause you to gain weight and clog your arteries with fat, leading to heart problems.

Fast food chains are now entirely re-thinking the way they make their food.

“I just wanted to create this service which provides young people and adults alike with unhealthy food, but now they say it’s not good for you anymore. We’ve got to re-think everything now,” said Michael Fries, head of fast food.

Many people are upset by this recent revelation, not wanting to leave their unhealthy food behind as it tastes so much better than healthy food.

But could this solve the obesity problems in Britain? If we’ve been eating food that is actually making us fatter all this time, then perhaps now that we know where the problem lies, we can cut out the unhealthy food and start to lose weight as a nation.

Some speculate that Britain is already too fat and always will be.

EVIL BUTCHER CREATES MEAT CAR

Local evil butcher Kimfron Von Kinfrom has invented a new car made entirely of meat.

The sinister meat distributor lives in Froxton and provides meat to the people of Froxton daily. However, behind the scenes he also works hard at his night-time job of being an evil mastermind.

Kinfrom’s latest invention is a meat car; a car made entirely out of meat. He claims that using this car he will take over the world somehow. Details of his sinister plan are yet to be revealed, but The Daily Weekly will keep you updated.

DAVROS RUNS FOR PRIME MINISTER

Scientist and evil genius Davros is currently running for the position of the next Prime Minister of England.

Davros claims to be able to bring an element to the position of Prime Minister that no other human could possibly imagine. Current Prime Minister Gordon Brown expressed his thoughts on this turn of events;

“It’s ridiculous, he’s an evil madman, no one will ever vote for him”.

Davros, creator of the Daleks and Merrill Streep, plans to fly in his race of Dalek creatures to Earth to “exterminate” all humans, something which most people find most appealing.

One man who looked up the definition of the word ‘exterminate’ on Wikipedia expressed concern;

“I don’t like the sound of this Davros; I think he’s going to kill us all”.

Davros responds to this man’s over-reaction;

“In time, all on the Earth will be destroyed, and the Daleks will reign supreme over the entire universe”.

People in general have responded positively to Davros’ new and refreshing way of doing things and think him a likely candidate for winning the next elections.

GLASS TEACHER RESCUES ANGRY PUPIL

Respected teacher Mr. Robinsonston from Coblinsonston on Friday rescued an angry pupil, despite being made entirely of glass.

The angry child went on an infuriated rampage after being denied access to the class stapler, throwing chairs and smaller pupils at his classmates. Mr. Robinsonston, although having the hindrance of being made of glass, was able to stop the boy from becoming “so angry that he would’ve exploded like an angry bomb” by lending him his own personal stapler which he keeps in a safe.

The teacher’s unfortunate condition causes his body to be made of glass, rendering movement impossible. Despite this, he manages to teach his class of pupils every day and is an inspiration to teachers everywhere.