DON'T READ THIS ARTICLE

Don't read this article. If you read this article you will die tomorrow, your partner will leave you the next day and you will have relationship problems for the rest of your life. However, there is a way out.

Now that you have read this article, you have an obligation to copy and paste it onto another news website, comments section or Facebook status. If you fail to do this, then your actions will result in death and relationship problems, even your partner leaving you for good. So The Daily Weekly would like to suggest that you post this article in as many different places as possible, so that you have a chance of survival.

The Daily Weekly would also like to apologise for posting this article and therefore causing those that do not believe this article to die, but we read this article somewhere else and did not wish to die.

DON'T YOU WISH YOUR GIRLFRIEND WAS HOT LIKE STE?

Steve Vyse, or 'Ste' as he is often refurred, has been voted the hottest man alive by The Daily Weekly.

Well-known for his impressive muscles, 'cool hair' and amazingly defined chin, Ste has been voted hotter than any other man alive on the planet.

However, the title may have to be taken away from him because, due to the new regulations, he now just crosses the border on the maximum chin-length. This gives him an unfair advantage and therefore may have to be put into a class technically above human hotness.

Steve will also be playing Buzz Lightyear in the new live-action remake of Toy Story and reprising his role as the Crimson Chin in the movie adaptation of the classic cartoon.

THIS WEEK'S TOP HEADLINE HIGHLIGHTS

This week's top headlines in catagories:


Food:

New Kind of Olive Oil Destroys Teeth

Keith Lemon not really Fruit

"Chives Will Never Match Up to Basil," Says Offensive Chef

Man Melts Butter to Celebrate Fossil Anniversary


Sport:

Bill Nighy Becomes World's Greatest Boxing Champion

Wolverhampton Wolves Killed in Ironic Wolf Pack Massacre

Cat Spinning to Become Olympic Sport

Football No Longer Safe for Children Since Introduction of 'Penalty Stabbing'


Technology:

Professor Ben Geekton Realises he's a Scientist After Twelve Years of Stem Cell Research

New iPhone App Can Accurately Predict the Future Using Space-time Technology

Scientists Discover Pooh Bear is Just a Myth

Robot Uprising in Japan, all Humans Destroyed


General News:

X-Factor Winner Rod Gilbert Goes on 'Welsh Rampage of Victory'

Druken Chavs Join Knitting Club, Later Regret Actions

Ronnie Corbett Doesn't Like Tomato Puree According to Brother Micheal Palin

Doncaster Upset After Manchester Fails to Text Back