Sunday, 26 December 2010
Arthur Darville Assulted by Restaurant Owner
Actor Arthur Darville (Rory Williams, Doctor Who) has recently been attacked by a furious restaurant owner with a nearby school desk.
The elderly actor who plays the long-admired character of Rory Williams in popular children's documentary series Doctor Who recently ate with his wife Victor Darville and his brother Bob Hoskins at a posh restaurant called Penelope's Cantalope. As he was tucking into his dessert, the onwer of the restuarant, a man named Olivia Newton John (not to be confused with Olivia Newton John), rushed over in a furious rage, weilding a sharpened school desk as a weapon. John had apparently mistaken Arthur Darville for the character of Rory Williams and became enraged at the fact that he had married Karen Gillen, who incidently in real life was engaged to John's sister, I mean brother, Tim Newton John.
The outcome of the situation was that Arthur Darville, who happened to be able to remove his own elbows under dire circumstances, used his unique ability to "gross out" the angered restaurant owner until he backed away and lay on a table to go to die for some reason.
It was later reported that John was only asleep, and dreampt about "an amazing persian with the ability to light a fire under the ocean, in a non-gay way".
The elderly actor who plays the long-admired character of Rory Williams in popular children's documentary series Doctor Who recently ate with his wife Victor Darville and his brother Bob Hoskins at a posh restaurant called Penelope's Cantalope. As he was tucking into his dessert, the onwer of the restuarant, a man named Olivia Newton John (not to be confused with Olivia Newton John), rushed over in a furious rage, weilding a sharpened school desk as a weapon. John had apparently mistaken Arthur Darville for the character of Rory Williams and became enraged at the fact that he had married Karen Gillen, who incidently in real life was engaged to John's sister, I mean brother, Tim Newton John.
The outcome of the situation was that Arthur Darville, who happened to be able to remove his own elbows under dire circumstances, used his unique ability to "gross out" the angered restaurant owner until he backed away and lay on a table to go to die for some reason.
It was later reported that John was only asleep, and dreampt about "an amazing persian with the ability to light a fire under the ocean, in a non-gay way".
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
WOMAN KILLED BY ISIAH MUSTAFA'S VOICE
Earlier this week, Harriet Totem, mother of four and wife of actor Bill Nighy, was watching an advert for the men's product 'Old Spice' on her tel-e-vision, and as she looked at her husband and then back at the screen for the second time, her head actualy exploded because of the voice she heard.
Isiah Mustafa, creator of irish mustard, starred in this particular advert and happens to have a particularly rich and deep voice. The sheer manliness of his voice as he politely asked Harriet to look at her man and then back at him, combined with the overbearing power of his abdominals, caused her head to actually explode. Unfortunately she did not survive.
The power of Isiah Mustafa's voice has affected many women in similar ways, but this is the most fatal case known so far. The 'Old Spice' adverts have now been banned, as Isaiah Mustafa's voice is just "too sexy for tel-e-vision," according to tel-e-vision censor Raphael de la TV.
Monday, 6 December 2010
FACTORY FOUND DEAD, MURDER SUSPECTED
Police today have uncovered the remains of a dead factory in Newport. The factory, where employees used to make iron filings and pocket lint, was found stabbed in the main generator and had been dead for several hours.
The only leads are two rival factories, who make lint, and a jealous bank, who apparently had sent death threats to the now-deceased factory on account of an affair that the factory had with the bank's wife, the local bakery.
Local police stations are now looking into the case.
The only leads are two rival factories, who make lint, and a jealous bank, who apparently had sent death threats to the now-deceased factory on account of an affair that the factory had with the bank's wife, the local bakery.
Local police stations are now looking into the case.
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